Monday, August 6, 2018

Breaking Through: How Acting Brought Me Closer to Myself.

Surprising to some, I was a painfully shy kid. I kept to myself, didn’t talk much, loved being alone. Quiet. Creative. A tiny gentle soul. I remember seeing other kids, loud and boisterous. I never wanted to mimic that. I was observant, and liked to have little attention on me. I hid in my shyness until I found the stage. It was an instant love affair. I realized at a young age, pretending to be someone else gave me freedom. It was a my adrenaline rush. The hot heat of the lights, the buzzing from the audience. Looking back, I know it connected me to the deep and brave parts of me. Even the parts that I wasn't even conscious of existing within me. It was liberating in the pretend- believing I was someone else for an hour or so. It wasn't escapism, it was bringing me closer to myself. 
I notice the shy girl still within me. I wouldn't consider myself a true extrovert. I like to listen more. Take in people, hear about their lives. My heart and spirit are a little guarded when I meet someone new. Over the years, I have worked hard to open up more. Allow myself to reveal sooner, than wait around. I think the shyness overcomes me when I allow self doubts to creep in. 'Imposter syndrome' takes overs. That's when I need acting most- I run away from my life a little. But by diving into these characters, I somehow confront my fears and limitations head on.
There's no bullshit with acting. You have to continually bring your full self to the stage, in front the camera in rehearsal. It is a challenge, and different at every moment. It dares me to be adventurous and brave and constantly curious. I find myself, attempting to mirror those qualities in my own life. Acting has helped me remove the layers I hid behind, and continues to challenge me to live life to fullest every damn day. 
Alpha & Omega Dress (floral version here), Lulu's White Boater Hat, Steven Madden Heels, Necklaces by The 2 Bandits, and Emueroe


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