Monday, January 27, 2020

Asking the WHY. How Reframing My Mindset Changed My Life.

There's a familiar buzz always at the beginning of a new year. There is a certain pressure to set lofty goals, and resolutions and self made promises. I've always been an introspective person. Reflective, curious, and constantly craving to evolve even more. But this year, I didn't want to set myself up for failure. I wasn't going to allow myself any opportunity to disappoint my high standards. I told myself, that this month I wasn't focusing on the overarching, giant, heart wrenching ambitions for my life. Instead, notice and change the small habits to my day to day. And that started with my thoughts. Reframing my mindset has changed my life, in a very quick and tangible way. 
But first, let me take you to where I was at the end of the year. 
At the end of 2019, I had come to terms with the fact, that this was the most challenging year of my life. The arrival of my late twenties brought a sadness I had never experienced before (which I share more about here). I had tried many tactics to get out of my rut. Meditation, journaling, gratitude lists, working out- which all did help in some ways- but wasn't really addressing the root of the problem. It still surprises me, how I still can buy into the old truths I created about myself. The tape of negative thoughts, that loved to go on repeat in my head. These messages chimed in, and cut me off from my potential. The things that lit up my passion felt numb. The farther and farther I was from my creativity, the deeper my sadness took over. 
So what have I done the last month to transform my experience? It's all about the mindset. What is my WHY. I asked myself "What do I want? but also WHY do I want it?" Knowing my WHY, has ignited something in me. A more purposeful point of view, that illuminates the day to day habits to cultivate. It also in someways, let me off the hook. I know WHY,  I want to be a creative. Why I want to tell stories as an actor, express myself through fashion, and make a certain amount of my money for my future. And my WHY reminds me, I can't control everything. That I can stay open to the endless possibilities. That WHY can be fulfilled in ways I never expected. When I wake up now, I give myself a few minutes to meditate on my goals, that are reinforced with my purpose. Knowing that the failures, and rejection will always be worth the journey. Not everyday is easy to live like this. I have had days where my brain goes in circles telling me, I am not smart or talented or beautiful to deserve the things I want. But if I ground myself into my REAL truth of why I dream so big, those thoughts go quiet. 
This year, I want to be more vulnerable on this space. I tend to say this every year, and surprise myself more and more, to what I am willing to share on the internet. But if I can make someone feel less alone in their journey, then my purpose is being fulfilled. If you have made it this far, I am thankful to have you by my side. I've always wanted my platform to be a place for women to see themselves, and realize their potential in our world is limitless. 
Dress by Finders Keeper via BNKR
Photos by Los Angeles based photographer Britt Crowe
@brittcrowephoto

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